04. Seven Thoughts on Disability

tldr: my joints be crack-a-lackin

The seven main thoughts I have had when it comes to my disability. In chronological order.

1. Growing up, I had too many migraines to count. At the very least, I had enough of them to develop a routine, and to know how to address it when one occurred or was starting up. They were a part of my life I was able to manage– a curse that to some extent had a cure, but there was never a name to a issue. However, it didn’t affect my education, so it wasn’t really a problem.
2. It started to affect my education; so, it really became a problem. In eighth grade I was in and out of school every other day, and it got to the point of holding a 504 meeting to maybe get some accommodations. PE was one of the first classes out the window, becoming yet another elective. My family proposed a number of solutions- none of which were implemented because, “Paige is a straight A student. She doesn’t need accommodations.”
3. I went on independent study. [On Fridays you are given a packet of all the assignments you would have to get done by the next Friday, turn them in, and the process repeats.] I never saw my middle school friends again, but it was alright because slowly but surely my migraines died down. Decidedly, being bored is better than answering the question of “where were you yesterday” three times a week. This was only for the last semester of eighth grade.
4. Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome Type 3. In essence: my joints don’t want to be jointed, and I have a low muscle tone– both of which have their fair share of consequences. I was told that in the long run, things would progressively get worse. Which felt insane, given that even back then it hurt to stand for too long, but it also hurt to sit for the same amount of time. Yet nonetheless it happened. I started to have trouble walking.
5. I tried using a wheelchair. One weekend, I had my mom drop me off at one side of the neighborhood, and I tried to wheel to the other. The one thing they neglect to tell you when you are looking for mobility aids, is that wheelchair users must be *jacked*. Or maybe it’s simply that I am weak. Either way, pain went from being in my legs to being in my arms- and I realized then that one day I was going to be in an electric wheelchair. This epiphany made it feel like the “wheel” part was silent. As of right now I still do not regularly use one.
6. One day, I want to teach. I want to stand at a blackboard in front of an entire lecture hall and convey concepts to a brand new audience that I have spent my entire education preparing for. Now, the picture in my head of what this will be like has changed a tad. But this where I am at. No escaping it– just accepting it for what it is. I won’t let anything get in the way of getting my education. 
7. It’ll be okay.

Paige